A Doctor Alighieri mashup

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Dante’s Inferno
Canto VI…The Gluttons
A new translation by: Doctor Seuss

I was not happy, that I will say,
For when I turned ’round I was met with dismay!

Falling from the sky was rain, cold and hard,
Onto my head, and the head of Virgil, the Bard!

Black snow and foul water, it was up to our knees!
Where were we to hide? There weren’t any trees!

I looked across the land, and could see ghosts all around
buried in the snow, they couldn’t make a sound!

Then suddenly upon us, there sprung a great beast
with beady red eyes, and nasty yellow teeth,

His claws were like knives, and with them he would tear
at the ghosts in the snow, until their bones were laid bare!

“Who is that!” I asked my guide, my mouth a large O
“It is Cerebus the Dog!; keep your head low!”

With that my good guide picked up handfuls of slush,
threw them down the dog’s throat, and then shouted “mush!”

Away ran the dog, not happy one bit
his mouth full of snow, he was in quite a snit!

Free to continue, my guide said, “let’s go”
to which I replied “ode e ode e ode e O!”

…by John Coughlin


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